Chapter 30: Regarding Fostering Civil Relationships
Almighty Allah says:
(وَ اِذْ اَخَذْنَا
مِیۡثَاقَ بَنِیۡۤ اِسْرَآءِیۡلَ لَا تَعْبُدُوۡنَ اِلَّا اللہَ ۟
وَبِالْوَالِدَیۡنِ اِحْسَانًا وَّذِی الْقُرْبٰی وَالْیَتٰمٰی وَالْمَسٰکِیۡنِ
وَقُوۡلُوۡا لِلنَّاسِ حُسْنًا وَّاَقِیۡمُوا الصَّلٰوۃَ وَاٰتُوا الزَّکٰوۃَ ؕ)
‘And when we took a promise from the children of
Isra’eel: Worship none other than Allah and treat your parents, and your
relatives, and orphans and the destitute with kindness; and speak politely to
people; and remain steadfast in prayer, and give charity. [Surah 2 Verse 83]
(قُلْ مَاۤ اَنۡفَقْتُمۡ
مِّنْ خَیۡرٍ فَلِلْوَالِدَیۡنِ وَالۡاَقْرَبِیۡنَ وَالْیَتٰمٰی وَالْمَسٰکِیۡنِ
وَابْنِ السَّبِیۡلِ ؕ وَمَا تَفْعَلُوۡا مِنْ خَیۡرٍ فَاِنَّ اللہَ بِہٖ عَلِیۡمٌ
﴿۲۱۵﴾)
‘You say, What ever you spend in (doing) good, then it
is for parents, and close relatives, and orphans and the destitute and the
wayfarer. And Allah knows well whatever good you do.’ [Surah 2 Verse 215]
(وَقَضٰی رَبُّکَ اَلَّا
تَعْبُدُوۡۤا اِلَّاۤ اِیَّاہُ وَ بِالْوَالِدَیۡنِ اِحْسَانًا ؕ اِمَّا
یَبْلُغَنَّ عِنۡدَکَ الْکِبَرَ اَحَدُہُمَاۤ اَوْکِلٰہُمَا فَلَا تَقُلۡ
لَّہُمَاۤ اُفٍّ وَّلَا تَنْہَرْہُمَا وَقُلۡ لَّہُمَا قَوْلًاکَرِیۡمًا ﴿۲۳﴾وَ
اخْفِضْ لَہُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَۃِ وَقُلْ رَّبِّ ارْحَمْہُمَا
کَمَا رَبَّیٰنِیۡ صَغِیۡرًا ﴿ؕ۲۴﴾)
‘And your Lord has commanded that you should worship
none but Him, and that you should be kind to (your) parents. If either one or
both of them reach old age in your lifetime, then say not ‘agh’ to them, nor
chide them; and speak to them with words of respect, and lay down wings of
humility to them with kind heartedness, and say: O My Lord! Have Mercy on both
of them, like they nurtured me in childhood.’ [Surah 17 Verses 23/24]
(وَ وَصَّیۡنَا
الْاِنۡسَانَ بِوَالِدَیۡہِ حُسْنًا ؕ وَ اِنۡ جَاہَدٰکَ لِتُشْرِکَ بِیۡ مَا
لَیۡسَ لَکَ بِہٖ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْہُمَا ؕ)
‘And we have instructed man to be kind towards his
parents, and if they attempt to have you associate as a partner to Me, anything
of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not.’ [Surah 29 Verse 8]
(وَوَصَّیۡنَا
الْاِنۡسَانَ بِوَالِدَیۡہِ ۚ حَمَلَتْہُ اُمُّہٗ وَہۡنًا عَلٰی وَہۡنٍ وَّ
فِصٰلُہٗ فِیۡ عَامَیۡنِ اَنِ اشْکُرْ لِیۡ وَ لِوَالِدَیۡکَ ؕ اِلَیَّ الْمَصِیۡرُ ﴿۱۴﴾وَ اِنۡ جَاہَدٰکَ عَلٰۤی اَنۡ تُشْرِکَ
بِیۡ مَا لَیۡسَ لَکَ بِہٖ عِلْمٌ ۙ فَلَا تُطِعْہُمَا وَصَاحِبْہُمَا فِی
الدُّنْیَا مَعْرُوۡفًا ۫)
‘And we have warned man in regards to his parents: His
mother carried him in her womb, enduring debility upon debility, and in two
years is his weaning (from milk): This (is the decree), Be grateful to Me, and
to your parents. Your final return is to Me (alone). And if both of them
attempt to have you associate as a partner to Me, anything of which you have no
knowledge, then obey them not, and sustain them with kindness in this world.’ [Surah 31Verses 14-15]
And Allah says:
(وَ وَصَّیۡنَا الْاِنۡسَانَ بِوَالِدَیۡہِ
اِحْسٰنًا ؕ حَمَلَتْہُ اُمُّہٗ کُرْہًا وَّ وَضَعَتْہُ کُرْہًا ؕ)
‘And We have commanded man to show kindness to his
parents. His mother carried him in her womb with pain and she gave birth to him
in pain.’ [Surah 46 Verse 15]
Allah Says
(اِنَّمَا یَتَذَکَّرُ
اُولُوا الۡاَلْبَابِ ﴿ۙ۱۹﴾الَّذِیۡنَ یُوۡفُوۡنَ بِعَہۡدِ اللہِ وَلَا
یَنۡقُضُوۡنَ الْمِیۡثَاقَ ﴿ۙ۲۰﴾وَالَّذِیۡنَ یَصِلُوۡنَ مَاۤ اَمَرَ اللہُ بِہٖۤ
اَنۡ یُّوۡصَلَ وَ یَخْشَوْنَ رَبَّہُمْ وَیَخَافُوۡنَ سُوۡٓءَ الۡحِسَابِ ﴿ؕ۲۱﴾)
‘It is only those with understanding that accept the
guidance. Those who complete the Promise of Allah, and break not their word
after affirming it, and (those) who join together that which Allah has
commanded to be joined, and (who) fear their Lord, and (who constantly) fear
the horror of reckoning. [Surah 13 Verse 19-21]
(وَالَّذِیۡنَ
یَنۡقُضُوۡنَ عَہۡدَ اللہِ مِنۡۢ بَعْدِ مِیۡثَاقِہٖ وَیَقْطَعُوۡنَ مَاۤ اَمَرَ
اللہُ بِہٖۤ اَنۡ یُّوۡصَلَ وَیُفْسِدُوۡنَ فِی الۡاَرْضِ ۙ اُولٰٓئِکَ لَہُمُ اللَّعْنَۃُ
وَلَہُمْ سُوۡٓءُ الدَّارِ ﴿۲۵﴾)
‘And those who break the Promise of Allah, after
affirming their word, and (who) cut that which Allah has commanded to be
joined, and (who) cause disruption on the earth; for them there is the curse;
and for them is a dreadful abode.’ [Surah 13
Verse 25]
And He says
(وَاتَّقُوا اللہَ الَّذِیۡ تَسَآءَلُوۡنَ
بِہٖ وَالۡاَرْحَامَ ؕ)
And fear Allah, from whom you ask,
and (your) relatives.’ [Surah 4 Verse 1]
Hadith 1: In is in
Sahih Bukhari and Muslim from Abu Hurairah رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ that a person asked ‘Ya Rasool’Allah صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
who is entitled to be treated with the best
companionship?’ (In other words, who is most deserving of favour and kindness),
He صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘Your mother’. (In other words, the
right of the mother is foremost). He then asked, ‘Who thereafter?’ Huzoor صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
then referred to the mother. Again he asked
who thereafter and Huzoor صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ
وسلَّم said,
‘Your father.’ It is mentioned in another narration, ‘The most deserving is
your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, thereafter
are those who are closer and thereafter are those who are closer’. In other
words, in regards to the rights of favour, the status of the mother is three
folds greater than that of the father.
Hadith 2: Abu Dawud
and Tirmizi report on the authority of Bahz bin Hakeem, from his father, from
his grandfather. The narrator says, ‘I said, Ya Rasool’Allah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم!
to whom should I be kind (show favour)?’
Rasool صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘To your mother’, I then asked, ‘Who thereafter?’
Rasool صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘To your mother’, I then asked, ‘Who thereafter?’
Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘To your mother’, I then asked, ‘Who
thereafter?’ (and) He صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘To your father, then whosoever is
closest through him, then whosoever is closer after them’.
Hadith 3: It is
reported in Muslim from Ibn Umar رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘The kindest person is one who shows
kindness to the friends of his father, after his father has passed away’.
Hadith 4: It is in
Sahih Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurairah رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘May
his nose be rubbed in the dust!’ (He صلَّی اللہ
تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said this thrice), (In other words, May he be
humiliated). Someone asked, ‘Ya Rasool’Allah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم ‘Who?’
(i.e. who is being referred to?) He
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘He
who had both or any one of his parents alive in their old age, and could not
enter Jannat’. (In other words, he did not take care of them in a manner, which
would allow him to attain Jannat).
Hadith 5: It is in
Sahih Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Asma’ bint Abu Bakr Siddiqueرضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما that when the Quraish had signed a treaty with Huzoor صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
, my
mother who was a pagan came over to visit me. I said, ‘Ya Rasool’Allah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
, my
mother has come (to visit) and she is inclined towards Islam, or that she
disregards Islam. Must I be courteous towards her?’ Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said ‘Be courteous towards her.’
Hadith 6: It is in
Sahih Muslim and Sahih Bukhari from Mughira رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘Allah
has made these things haraam upon you: (1)
Disobedience to your mothers; (2) to half kill your daughters
(i.e. treating them with cruelty); (3)
not to pay that which you owe others, but to
demand payment of that which is due to you. The following are Makruh upon you: (1) useless chit chat, (2) asking too many
questions and (3) wasting wealth’.
Hadith 7: In Sahih
Muslim and Bukhari it is reported from Abdullah ibn Amr رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما
that Rasoolullah صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘It is ‘Gunah-e- Kabeera[1],
for a person to swear at his parents’. The people asked, ‘Ya Rasool’Allah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
! Can a
person really swear at his parents?’ He
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said,
‘Yes, He does so when he swears at the father of another person and the latter
abuses the father of the former and (also) abuses(swears at) his mother’. The
Sahaba-e-Kiraam who had seen the ‘Era of Ignorance’, could not understand why a
person would swear at his parents. In other words, this was something that they
found very difficult to understand, so Huzoor
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم explained
to them that it meant, to cause them to be sworn at by someone else. We now live
in such and era, where some people directly swear at their parents, showing
complete disregard for them.
Hadith 8: In Sha’bul
Imaan it is reported from A’isha رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہا that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘I
entered Jannat and I heard the recitation of the Holy Qur’an. I asked about who
was reciting. The Angels said that it was Haaritha bin Nu’man’. Huzoor-e-Akram صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘This is the outcome of being courteous
(kind)! This is the outcome of being courteous!’ Haaritha used to treat his
mother kindly.
Hadith 9: It is
reported in Tirmizi on the authority of Abdullah ibn Amr رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما
that Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘The Pleasure of Allah, The Cherisher
is in the attaining the pleasure of ones father and the displeasure of Allah
The Cherisher is in the displeasure of ones father.’
Hadith 10: Tirmizi
and Ibn Majah have reported that a person came to Hazrat Abu Dardah رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہ and said, ‘My mother is commanding me to give
Talaaq[2]
to my wife’. Hazrat Abu Dardah رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ said, ‘I heard Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم saying,
‘The father is the central Door from among the Doors of Jannat. So, your bliss is
in whether you preserve this door or desecrate it’.
Hadith 11: Tirmizi
and Abu Dawud have reported from Ibn Umar رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہما that he says, ‘I used to love my wife dearly and Hazrat Umar رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہ was not pleased with her. He asked me to give
her Talaaq, but I did not do so. Hazrat Umar رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ then went to Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم and explained
the entire situation. Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said to
me, ‘Give her Talaaq’. The Ulama have stated that if the parents are right in
what they are saying, then to give Talaaq is definitely waajib (compulsory),
and if the wife is on the right, then too, it is permissible to give Talaaq to attain
the pleasure of ones parents.
Hadith 12: Ibn Majah
reported from Abu Umaama رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہ that a person
said, ‘Ya Rasool’Allah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم ! What is the right of the parents upon the children?’ He صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘Both of them are your Paradise and Hell’.
In other words, by keeping them happy you will attain Jannat and by displeasing
them, you will be deserving of hell-fire.
Hadith 13: Baihaqi
reported from Ibn Ab’bas رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما that Rasoolullah
صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘The Doors of Paradise are opened unto
a person who rises in the morning, in a state of obedience to his parents. If only
one of his parents is alive, then one door is opened for him, and that person
who wakes up in the morning in a state whereby he disobeyed Allah, through (disobeying)
his parents, then as from the morning, the doors of hell are opened for him. If
only one parent is alive, then one door is opened for him’. A person said ‘Even
if his parents are unjust towards him?’ He صلَّی اللہ
تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘Even if they are unjust towards him,
Even if they are unjust towards him, Even if they are unjust towards him!’
Hadith 14: Baihaqi
reported from Ibn Ab’bas رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘When a child looks at his parents in a
merciful (i.e. compassionate) manner, then for every sight he places upon them,
Allah records the reward of Hajj-e-Mabroor[3]
for him’. The people said, ‘Even if he looks at them a hundred times in a day?’
He صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘Allah is The Greatest and (Allah) is
Most Generous’. In other words, He has all the Divine Power. He is free from
this, that it should be said that He is incapable of giving this.
Hadith 15: Imam
Ahmed, Nasa’i and Baihaqi have reported on the authority of Mu’awiyah bin
Jaahima رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہ that his father Jaahima presented himself
before Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم and said, ‘Ya Rasool’Allah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم! I intend to partake in
Jihad, so I have come to ask the advice of Huzoor صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم’. Huzoor صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
asked, ‘Is your mother alive?’ He said, ‘Yes.’
The Beloved Prophet of Allah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said,
‘Make it your incumbent duty to care for her, for Jannat is at her feet’.
Hadith 16: Baihaqi
reported from Anas رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہ that
Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘If both or one of the parents of a person passed away, and
he was disobedient to them, (but) now he constantly makes Istighfar for them
(i.e. prays for their salvation), until such time that Allah Ta’ aala writes
him amongst the pious’.
Hadith 17: Nasa’i and
Daarimi have reported on the authority of Abdullah ibn Amr رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما
that Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘A ‘Manaan’ in other words one who
boasts about the favours he performs, the one who disobeys his parents and the one
who is a compulsive drinker (i.e. alcoholic) will not enter Jannat’.
Hadith 18: Tirmizi
reported from Ibn Umar رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما that a person
presented himself before Nabi Kareem
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم and said,
‘Ya Rasool’Allah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم ! I have committed a serious sin. Will my repentance be accepted?’
He
said, ‘Is your mother alive?’ He said ‘No’.
He صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘Is any one of your maternal aunts
alive?’ He said ‘Yes’ He صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘Be courteous towards her (i.e. treat
her with kindness)’.
Hadith 19: Abu Dawud
and Ibn Majah reported from Abi Usaid Sa’adi رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ that we were in the Holy Presence of Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم when a person from the Bani Salma Tribe came
forth and said, ‘Ya Rasool’Allah صلَّی اللہ
تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
! My
parents have passed on. Is there any way to continue being kind towards them?’
He
said, صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم ‘Yes, make Dua and Istighfar
for them and fulfil whatever they have undertaken, and be courteous towards
their relatives and honour their friends for their sake’.
Hadith 20: Haakim
reported in Mustadrak from Ka’ab bin Ujrah رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘All of you gather close to the
pulpit!’ so all of us gathered there. When Huzoor صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم ascended onto the first step of (the pulpit).
He صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘Aameen’, when he ascended onto the second
stair, He صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘Aameen’ and when He صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم ascended onto the third stair, He صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘Aameen’. When Huzoor
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم descended, we said, ‘Today we heard such
words from Huzoor صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم that we have never heard before?’ Rasoolullah
صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘Jibra’eel _ came to me and said, ‘May he be distanced (i.e.
deprived) from the Mercy of Allah, who attained the month of Ramadan and could
not receive salvation’, (so) I said, ‘Aameen’. When I ascended onto the second step
he said, ‘May that person be distanced from the Mercy of Allah’, before whom
Huzoor’s صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم name is mentioned and he does not send Durood
(Shareef) upon Huzoor صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم , (so) I said, ‘Aameen’. When I ascended onto the third stair, he
said, ‘May he be distanced from the Mercy of Allah, whose both parents or one
of them lived to see their old age and they did not enter him into Jannat’,
(so) I said, ‘Aameen’.’
Hadith 21: Baihaqi
reported from Sa’eed ibnil A’as رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘The
Right of the elder brother over the younger brother is like that of the father
over his children’.
Hadith 22: In Sahih
Bukhari and Muslim it is reported from Abu Hurairah رضی
اللہ تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘After Almighty Allah created the
creation, then Kinship[4],
stood up and supplicated in the Divine Court of Allah. Almighty Allah asked,
‘What is the matter?’ Kinship said, ‘I seek refuge in you from those who sever
(i.e. break) ties’. It was said to it, ‘Are you not pleased that I will cause
those who join you to be joined (i.e. to have good connection with Me), and I
will sever those who sever you’. It replied ‘Yes, I am pleased’. It was said, ‘Then
so be it’.
Hadith 23: In Sahih
Bukhari it is reported from Abu Hurairah رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ
وسلَّم said,
‘‘Rahim’ is derived from Rahmaan. Allah Ta’aala has said, I will keep connection
with him who maintains you, and sever connections with him, who severs you’.
Hadith 24: In Sahih
Bukhari and Muslim it is reported from Ummul-Mo’mineen A’isha رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہا
that Rasoolullah صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said that kinship embraces the Arsh of Allah,
and says ‘whosoever maintains me, Allah will keep connection with him and whosoever
severs me, Allah will sever him’.
Hadith 25: Abu Dawud
reported on the authority of Abdur Rahmaan ibn Auf رضی
اللہ تعالٰی عنہ that he heard Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم saying that Allah says, ‘I am Allah and I am
Rahmaan[5]
and I have created Rahim[6],
and I have named it with a name which is derived from my Name. Thus whosoever
fosters it, I will keep connection with him, and he whosoever severs it; I will
sever him’.
Hadith 26: In Sahih
Bukhari and Muslim it is reported from Anas رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said,
‘Whosoever wishes for Barkat[7]
in his sustenance and extension to his life, he should foster good relations with
his relatives’.
Hadith 27: Ibn Majah
reported on from Thawbaan رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘There is nothing which can alter
Taqdeer[8]
except for Dua[9] and Birr[10]’.
In other words, a person’s life is extended due to his kindness and goodwill,
and a person is deprived from blessings in his sustenance due to sins. The
meaning of this Hadith is that Dua alleviates misfortunes and calamities.
Hadith 28: Haakim
reported in Mustadrak on the authority of Ibn Ab’bas رضی
اللہ تعالٰی عنہما
that Rasoolullah صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘Become familiar with your Family
Lineage, so that you may be able to maintain good family relations. If you
sever family ties, then even though they may be near, they are not close and if
you maintain ties, they are not far away, even if they may be distant.’
Hadith 29: Tirmizi
reported from Abu Hurairah رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘Become so familiar regarding your
family lineage, through which you may be able to foster good family relations,
because in us, fostering family ties is a means of love. It will increase your
wealth and extend your lifespan’.
Hadith 30: Haakim
reported in Mustadrak on the authority of Aasim رضی
اللہ تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘He who desires long life and abundance
in sustenance, and (desires) that he should be protected from a bad death,
should constantly fear Allah and foster good relations with his relatives’.
Hadith 31: In Sahih
Bukhari and Muslim it is reported from Jubair bin Mut’im رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
said, ‘One who severs family ties will not
enter Jannat’.
Hadith 32: Baihaqi
reported in Sha’bul Imaan from Abdullah bin Abi Ufa رضی
اللہ تعالٰی عنہ says, ‘I heard Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم saying, ‘The Mercy of Allah does not descend
over that Nation, in which there is one who severs ties’.’
Hadith 33: Tirmizi
and Abu Dawud reported on the authority of Abu Bukra رضی اللہ
تعالٰی عنہ that Rasoolullah
صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said,
‘From the punishment for those sins which are meted out swiftly in this world
and that which holds a stock of punishment in the hereafter, there is none
worse than mutiny and severing family ties’.
Hadith 34: It is in Sahih Bukhari from ibn Umar رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما that Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘Silah Rahim[11] is not that which is done to acquire something in return for it (in other words one only showed favour to someone because he showed favour to him). However, it is the one who establishes the bonds of kinship who maintains good relationship, even if it is severed by the other party’.
Hadith 35: It is in
Sahih Muslim from Abu Hurairah رضی اللہ تعالٰی
عنہ that a person said, ‘Ya Rasool’Allah صلَّی
اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
! My close
relatives are such that I continue to maintain good relations with them, yet
they sever it. I am courteous towards them and they are cruel towards me, and I
treat them with tolerance, but they treat me insolently’. Huzoor صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ
واٰلہٖ وسلَّم said, ‘If it is as you have mentioned, then
you are filling their mouths with hot ash, and there will always be a helper
with you, from Allah’.
Hadith 36: Haakim
reported in Mustadrak on the authority of Uqba bin Aamir رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہ who says, ‘I went over to visit Rasoolullah صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
(and) I promptly held the blessed hand of
Huzoor-e-Akram صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم and Huzoor صلَّی اللہ
تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
(also) held my hand quickly. He صلَّی اللہ تعالٰی علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم
then said, ‘O Uqba! The best character in
this world and the hereafter is that you should be good to him who separates
you, and forgive him who oppresses you, and whosoever wishes for long life and
abundance in sustenance, he should maintain good relations with his
relatives’.’
Laws of Jurisprudence
Silah Rahim means fostering good relations with relatives. In
other words, it refers to being courteous and kind towards ones relatives. There
is consensus amongst the entire Ummah that Silah Rahim is waajib and Qatah
Rahim[12]
is haraam. Who are the relatives with whom it is waajib to foster good
relations? Some Ulama have mentioned that it refers to the next of kin who are
Mahram, whilst others have said that it refers to all the next of kin, be they
mahram or not, and the second statement evidently seems to be the correct one.
The Hadith has mentioned absolutely that we should maintain good relations with
relatives (i.e. without stipulating close or distant). In the Holy Qur’an ذوی القربیٰ
has been mentioned absolutely, but since
there are numerous levels amongst relations, there is also a difference in how
relationships should be maintained with each of them. The status (level) of the
parents is the greatest, followed by that of relatives that are closest
(Mahram), followed by all other relatives, and this is based on their
positions. [Raddul Muhtar]
Law: There are numerous
forms of practising Silah Rahim. One way, is to shower them with gifts and
presents. To be of assistance to them if they are in need of your assistance in
any way. To convey Salaam to them. To visit them. To associate with them. To
have conversations with them and, to be kind and considerate towards them. [Durr-e-Mukhtar]
Law: If a person is in a
foreign land, then he should communicate with his relatives by way of letter.
He should constantly keep written communication with them, so that one does not
lose contact with them. If it is possible, then the one who is abroad should
try to return to his country, to refresh his relationship with his relatives. Doing
this will enhance the love between them. [Raddul
Muhtar]
Law: If a person is abroad,
and his parents call for him, it is necessary for him to return home. Merely
writing them a letter will not be sufficient. Similarly, if his parents need
him to serve them, then too, he must return home and serve them. After the
father, the status is afforded to the paternal grandfather and to the elder brother,
because the eldest brother is in place of the father. The status of the eldest
sister and maternal aunt is in place of the mother. Some of the learned Ulama
have mentioned the paternal uncle to be in place of the father and the same is
meant by the words of the Hadith: عَمُّ
الرَّجُلِ صِنْوُ اَبِیْہِ
‘The paternal uncle of a man is
equivalent to his father’. With the exception of
those mentioned above, it is sufficient to send letters or gifts to other
relatives. [Raddul Muhtar]
Law: One should meet with
his very close relatives on alternate days. In other words, one should not
visit them daily, and this is based on the analogy that it causes love and
affection to increase. Actually one should visit other relatives from a Friday
to a Friday, or once in a month. The entire tribes and families should be
united together. When they are on the right, then they should all work united
together to confront others and to proclaim the truth. If anyone from amongst
your relatives presents a need, then try to fulfil this need of his. To reject
it is to server ties (i.e. to be unkind). [Durar]
Law: Maintaining good
relations does not mean that you should only be good to them if they are good
to you. That is merely a type of remuneration. In other words, it is merely
like bartering (interchanging), whereby if he sent something to you, then you
in turn send something to him. If he comes over to visit you, then you go over
to visit him. In reality, Silah Rahim means that if he severs, then you should
join (foster) and if he wishes to be distant from you and shows no effort, you
should give consideration to the rights of family ties to him. [Raddul Muhtar]
Law: It has been mentioned
in the Hadith that being kind towards your relative allows one to live a long
life and it brings abundance in sustenance. Some Ulama have interpreted this
Hadith based on its obvious meaning. In other words, they have mentioned that
Qaza-e-Mu’alaq[13] is being referred to in
this instance, because Qaza-e-Mubram[14]
cannot be removed. (This they have based on this verse):
(اِذَا جَآءَ اَجَلُہُمْ فَلَا
یَسْتَاۡخِرُوۡنَ سَاعَۃً وَّلَایَسْتَقْدِمُوۡنَ ﴿۴۹﴾)
‘When their promised (time) is
reached, neither can they cause a moment of delay, nor (can they) cause it to
advance.’ [Surah 10 Verse 49]
Some Ulama have mentioned that long life or extension in life
refers to the fact that even after a person passes away, rewards are recorded
for him, as if he is still alive; or it could mean, that even after he passes
from this world, people will still speak fondly of him. [Raddul Muhtar]
[1] Gunah-e-Kabeera here refers to a major sin.
[2] Talaaq is the Islamic term used for a divorce.
[3] Hajj-e-Mabroor refers to an accepted Hajj.
[4] Kinship: refers to relationship, and it is regarded as a creation.
[5] Rahmaan is one of the Names of Allah and it means The
Compassionate.
[6] Rahim here refers to kinship.
[7] Barkat here refers to blessing in abundance.
[8] Taqdeer here refers to Fate and Destiny.
[9] Dua in this context refers to sincere supplication.
[10] Birr refers to Goodwill.
[11] Silah Rahim refers to fostering and maintaining good relationship
with your kin.
[12] Qatah Rahim refers to severing ties with your relatives.
[13] Qaza-e-Mu’alaq refers to Fate that is pending.
[14] Qaza-e-Mubram refers to inevitable Fate.
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